JOHN DENVER

It's been all doom-and-gloomy around here lately - weather and otherwise - so I think I need to find me some sort of Rocky Mountain high. Or to fly like an eagle or... you know... something.

Not too long ago, I was thumbing through Rolling Stone's special 1000th issue and stumbled upon the following quote from David Bowie, circa the mid-'70s: "The cultural leaders used to be Humphrey Bogart, James Dean, and Elvis Presley. Now it's John Denver."

Why, the nerve of that snotty little punk, I thought - disparaging poor, dead JOHN DENVER like that! And why? Because John Denver didn't dress in drag (as far as we know) or sleep with Mick Jagger (as far as we know)? Because John Denver seemed as wholesome as Wonderbread, looked like Cousin Oliver from The Brady Bunch, and was constantly thanking God for making him a Country Boy? Well, my word, I thought. Wouldn't Mr. Bowie, of all people, have some understanding of the concept of TOLERANCE?

And let me tell you something directly, Mr. Thin White Dupe: You may have been "The Man Who Fell to Earth" (also: "Sir Roland Moorecock," "Jareth the Goblin King," "Julian Priest," and "Pontius Pilate"), but when God (aka "George Burns") came down to Earth looking for a human representative, who did he choose? That's right: JOHN DENVER.

(And do I also have to remind you that John Denver starred in two - not one, but TWO - TV specials with the Muppets. And you just know that he and Miss Piggy were doin' the back-bacon thang behind Animal's drum kit, so don't even think about calling the man a prude.)

Now, if you don't mind, Mr. Ziggy Stardunce, why don't you do us all a great big favor and drag that pale, androgynous ass of yours back to Mars, where it belongs. (And take your creepy Spiders with you.)

Okay, I'm done ranting at Bowie for now; now I'd like to talk to YOU. I'm sure that many of my loyal visitors (there are five of you now) weren't even BORN in the '70s, let alone know the music of that great visionary, JOHN DENVER. Just know that the man made singing about mountains and eagles and other suchthings immensely, intensely cool. (Hell, even his duet with Placido Domingo was darn purty, so long as you weren't listening too closely. Or at all.)

Truth is, John Denver is one of the voices of my youth - right there alongside Karen Carpenter, Jim Croce, and recent (and highly deserved!) Emmy winner Barry Manilow. So, yes, I truly do recommend that you download these tracks, crank 'em loud, crank 'em proud, and settle in for some peaceful, easy feelins. Who knows? You might just find yourself feeling that Rocky Mountain high I was referring to earlier. (Though, if you don't think the songs themselves are gonna be enough to get you there, feel free to engage in the ganja - just to sort of help things along.) (But only if you're 18 or older.) (And have cataracts.)

[MP3] "Annie's Song"

[MP3] "Looking for Space"

[MP3] "Fly Away" [w/Olivia Newton-John] [Mr. Bowie best not start talking smack about Ms. Olivia, either.]

[MP3] "Take Me Home, Country Roads"

[MP3] "This Old Guitar"